


Be Gay, Do Crime

by purple_bookcover



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crimes & Criminals, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gen, M/M, Silly, Smut, also schmoptions the cat, this is a collection of fire emblem characters misbehaving and also fucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:42:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24608638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purple_bookcover/pseuds/purple_bookcover
Summary: This is a collection of Fire Emblem characters misbehaving - and also fucking. From running from cops at a protest to stealing to training troops for the revolution, these mother fuckers are being gay and doing crime.Each story is about 800 - 1000 words long and are posted in roughly the order they were requested. The Byleth fic is the only one that's not explicit. Thank you again to the very generous requesters fighting the good fight!Chapter reference:1: Ashe/Petra2: Seteth's Wife/Rando3: Mercedes/Ingrid4: Hapi/Constance5: Ashe/Felix6: Leonie/Hilda7: Metodey/Gatekeeper8: Byleth & Peach & Schmoptions the cat
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Petra Macneary, Byleth & Peach, Hapi/Constance von Nuvelle, Hilda Valentine Goneril/Leonie Pinelli, Ingrid Brandl Galatea/Mercedes von Martritz, metodey/gatekeeper, seteth's wife/random sailor
Comments: 14
Kudos: 46





	1. Ashe/Petra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashe has left Fodlan to be with Petra in Brigid. And boy, does she have a warm welcome in store for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might be thinking "how are you gonna start a collection called 'be gay, do crime' with an m/f couple?" 
> 
> 1\. These bitches are bi af  
> 2\. Ashe is a thief  
> 3\. Fight me

Ashe had hardly slid off his wyvern and to the ground before Petra dragged him past bewildered guards and into the palace she now occupied as queen of Brigid. 

“What should I see first?” Ashe said. 

“Uh huh,” Petra said. “That’s nice.” 

She shoved him toward the bed. Ashe tripped backward, falling to the mattress. She was perched over him before he could recover. 

“Maybe,” he tried, “maybe we could … go for a ride on the wyverns. You could show me--”

“Oh, I will indeed be riding, Ashe Ubert,” she said, “but not a wyvern.” 

She swept down, kissing up his neck before pressing him against the bed by the lips. He’d forgotten just how warm she tasted, salty and soothing like ocean water. He moaned against her and his hands found her waist, tugging her closer. He’d nearly lost the feel of her body in the long moons of repairing the continent after the war. All that diligence and waiting felt well worth it now. 

Petra broke away, straddling his hips as she sat up. She lifted her shirt off over her head, throwing it aside. Ashe’s eyes trailed up her tight core, the lean muscle of her shoulders and arms. Then she was dragging his shirt off, tossing it aside. 

She started to kiss his torso and he grabbed her arms to stop her.

“Hey, I’ve missed you too, but there’s no rush. Plus, I have something for you.”

“I am feeling so much urgency,” Petra said. “It has been far too long.”

He reached up to stroke her face, tucking purple hair behind her ear. “I know.”

“Let me be urgent,” Petra said. Her eyes crawled over his bare chest. “I have great need.”

He flushed and smiled all at once. “Hold on, OK? Just...” He fumbled through his pockets, pulling out a coin that he presented to Petra.

“What is this?” she said.

“The first thing I ever stole,” Ashe said. “If I’m gonna leave Fodlan, I figured I should bring it with me.”

Petra smirked. “I presume somewhere a wealthy man misses his coin quite dearly.” She took the coin, setting it aside on the bedside table.

Ashe reached up, pulling her close to turn them both over so he was on top this time. “I’m sure he does.” 

With that, he worked his way down, tugging off her pants. Ashe trailed his fingertips up her bare legs and felt gooseflesh ripple out under his touch. He heard a sharp intake of breath when he reached her undergarments and worked them down. 

Ashe let himself just touch her at first, watching Petra’s eyes flutter shut as he traced along her cunt. He swirled his finger around her entrance, felt heat and wetness already building. It made him hard just feeling that tangible proof of how much she wanted him. 

He couldn’t hold back any longer, despite his protests about there being “no rush.” Ashe leaned down, licking near her clit.

Petra gasped, her hand going right for his hair. Ashe buried his tongue, lapping at her sweet warmth. It made him dizzy to have her all around him again. Her thighs squeezed against his head for a moment as Petra trembled. Then her hand tightened in his hair, urging him closer.

Ashe was only too happy to oblige, licking around her clit while his finger teased around her entrance. Suddenly, it was as though no time at all had passed since they’d last seen each other. The taste of her was so fresh in his mind, the heat and musk he’d come to associate with Petra. Occasionally, in all the time they’d had to be apart since the war, he’d gotten a whiff of that fragrance in his mouth, a phantom of a memory that left him aching. 

Now, finally, he had more than a memory. Petra’s moans rang in his ears. His finger was slick with her wetness. He paused only long enough to pop that finger in his mouth, tasting her anew. Then he brought the digit back to her entrance. He watched her arch as he nudged inside, her hands going to her breasts. 

“Yes,” she breathed. “More.” 

He got his tongue back against her before he started pumping his finger, feeling her tight and hot around him. Petra rolled to meet him, her whole body moving in response to his efforts. 

It was gorgeous. Almost literally breathtaking. 

Ashe’s cock begged for attention, but he ignored it, curling his finger, licking harder at her clit. She bucked. He felt her clench around his finger. Ashe moved his finger faster, hitting that spot he’d found over and over. As much as he’d wanted to slow this down, to savor every moment, now that he knew she was close he couldn’t possibly hold back. He pressed and licked and pushed, searching for that blissful moment he so wanted to deliver for her. 

It arrived with quivering and quiet. Petra arched, squeezing around his finger, gripping her tits, her voice vanishing with a gasp. 

Then it all released. He felt wetness on his hand, heard her moan tremble past her lips in a long sigh. 

Petra relaxed down to the bed and Ashe eased his finger out, wiping it and his mouth. Petra was flushed and breathing hard. Ashe shuffled forward, sitting between her legs and running his hands along her thighs as her body cooled. 

“I’ve missed that taste,” Ashe said. 

She smiled, eyes lidded and drowsy when she opened them. For all that, she moved quickly, grabbing Ashe and throwing him onto the bed. She straddled him once again, but this time her hand went right to his crotch, rubbing him over his pants. 

“And I’ve missed your taste,” she said. “This must be remedied.” 

Ashe sat up enough to kiss the stunning woman in his lap. “I guess that’d be OK.” 

“Ashe Ubert,” she said, “I am a queen. You are a thief. It was not a request.”

With that, she shoved him back down onto the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/purplebookcover) (18+ please).
> 
> I respond to every comment. Thank you, friends!


	2. Caterina (Seteth's Wife)/Random Sailor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karla doesn't think of herself as beautiful or worth noticing, especially compared to legendary pirate captain Caterina. 
> 
> But Caterina wants her anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @fouxdogue for letting me borrow your incredible character for this!
> 
> You should all go read their [FUCKING INCREDIBLE story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23690218/chapters/56877544) about Caterina the pirate captain and poor, poor sea creature Seteth.

“Me?” Karla said. She looked around. Beautiful bodies as far as she could see, from the wispy prostitutes trying to entice patrons to the strong, lean men lounging with their ale. By comparison she was short, squat and not particularly memorable, a random crew member of a random crew, just trying to enjoy a night of drinking on land rather than at sea. 

But the pirate captain standing over her just nodded. “Yeah, you.”

Karla remained speechless as Caterina offered her hand, as the pirate pulled her up, as they walked out of the common area and upstairs to a private room in the inn. A woman like Caterina – known, and often feared, all over – could have chosen anyone, anyone at all. So what was she doing here, with Karla, flirting with her over their ale, brushing against her shoulder all night, and now outright inviting Karla to her bed?

Karla was still wondering as they tumbled onto the mattress. Caterina wasted no time in getting her shirt off and kissing up Karla’s neck. When Caterina reached her ear, she took it between her teeth, tugging. 

Caterina sat up and started to pull off Karla’s shirt. 

“H-hold on,” Karla said.

“What is it, darling?” Caterina said. 

“I … you’re sure?” 

Caterina laughed. “Flower, do you really think I’d be here right now if I didn’t want to be? I’m a swindler, a thief, a pirate and worse. I don’t do anything for charity. Now, the real question is do _you_ want to be here?” 

Karla nodded, struck dumb. _Of course_ she did. She might not be beautiful, but she wasn’t an idiot. 

Caterina got Karla’s shirt off. The pirate was still sitting on Karla, eyeing her up like some treasure to be plundered. Karla shivered. 

Caterina got off suddenly, hopping to the floor. Karla sat up to watch her rummaging around for something. Only when Caterina returned with an oblong object did Karla understand. 

“Yes,” she said, before Caterina could even ask. 

Caterina smirked. Then they were both scrambling out of their pants, pausing in their wild urgency to kiss each other, tug on each other’s hair, tumble across the bed in a tangle of limbs. 

Caterina ultimately ended up back on top. Naked now, Karla could feel Caterina’s heat and wetness against her leg. Caterina was slicking up the toy in her hands. Karla could only watch, enthralled. There was something lewd and delicious in the way Caterina stroked up and down the toy, which was rounded off on both ends and seemed to glow faintly from within. 

“Aye, a little spell involved in this one,” Caterina said as though in response to Karla. “It helps to have the right friends.” She winked. 

Karla trembled when Caterina switched from touching the toy to touching her, rubbing over her pussy. Her fingers were slick and they got even slicker when they traced around Karla’s entrance. 

“You ready, Flower?” 

Karla gnawed on her lip, just managing to nod. 

Caterina rubbed the toy along Karla. It was warmer than she’d expected, and softer and more pliant as well. When Caterina placed it at Karla’s entrance, Karla shuddered in anticipation. It slipped in easily, guided by Caterina. 

Caterina left it there, then laid back to get the other end of the toy inside herself. Her moans as she pushed the toy in sent tremors through Karla.

“Yeah, that’s good,” Caterina said. “How about you, Flower?”

“I-it’s good,” Karla whimpered. 

Caterina took on a wicked look. She reached for the bit of the toy still exposed between them and started to move it, sliding it in and out of both of them. As it pushed deeper into Karla, it slid out of Caterina. Then Karla felt the sweet drag of the toy sliding down as Caterina took it deeper into herself. 

Karla felt so wet the toy might slip right out as Caterina continued. She propped up on her arms, rolling her hips to meet the toy. Caterina started jerking it faster, fucking both of them simultaneously. 

Karla couldn’t watch anymore. Her eyes closed of their own accord, her body almost twitching as she strained to meet the toy pounding into her. She couldn’t tell if it was her yelling or Caterina or both, their grunts and gasps loud in the little inn room. 

Some stray piece of her mind reveled at the thought of getting to recount this tale for the rest of the crew. But that errant thought was quickly consumed as something within Karla built to bursting.

“Yeah,” Caterina was rasping. “C’mon, gorgeous. C’mon.” 

Karla was only too happy to obey. Her body was coiling up to burst. She could feel Caterina’s eyes on her, but for once those eyes made her burn with lust and not shame. She clutched at the sheets, bucking her hips. And then it finally broke, a wave washing over and out of her. It left her trembling and quivering and limp atop the bedsheets.

Caterina pumped a little more before crying out, her frantic motion going still and rigid. 

She got the toy out of both of them, letting it drop to the floor. Then she cuddled up against Karla, kissing at her neck as she got an arm over her. She was hot and sweaty, but Karla didn’t care. She relented in Caterina’s hold, still light-headed from the surreal experience that had rocked her and left her a trembling mess in the pirate captain’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/purplebookcover) (18+ please).
> 
> I respond to every comment. Thank you, friends!


	3. Mercedes/Ingrid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long day of training resistance fighters, Ingrid comes home to her loving wife Mercedes.

When Ingrid slouched through the front door, Mercedes was making tea. 

Ingrid dropped her gauntlets on the floor. The helmet went next. By the time she got to the breastplate, Mercedes had bustled out of the kitchen, setting aside a steaming cup. Together, they got the rest of Ingrid’s armor off so she could collapse on the couch. 

Mercedes knelt beside the couch, wiping sweaty hair off Ingrid’s forehead. “Long day?”

“Mmm,” Ingrid said. She closed her eyes, let her arm hang limp off the side of the couch. “The new recruits arrived. Sometimes I forget how young they are.” 

Mercedes laughed. 

“It gets harder every year,” Ingrid said. 

“Yes, but just think about how many good knights you’ve made,” Mercedes said. “Real knights, fighting for the people. The resistance is stronger than ever.”

Ingrid smiled, opening her eyes. She stroked Mercedes’ face, wondering again how it’d come to be that she’d found not just purpose since the war, but also a wife to share it with. Ingrid nudged her closer, bringing Mercedes’ mouth to hers. She tasted like her fruity teas, like home and warmth. 

Mercedes’ hand wandered to Ingrid’s hip, just brushing against her at first, then pressing down. Ingrid smiled against Mercedes’ lips. 

Mercedes came away from Ingrid’s mouth, smiling a question down at her. Suddenly, the exhaustion evaporated from Ingrid’s body. She put her hand over Mercedes’, guiding it from her hip to her crotch. They rubbed over Ingrid’s pants together, Mercedes biting at her lip as she did. 

Mercedes slipped her hand out from under Ingrid’s, then under the waist of Ingrid’s pants. Ingrid reclined back, closing her eyes, sighing out the day’s frustration and exhaustion. Mercedes’ fingers wandered until they found Ingrid’s cunt. She wriggled through Ingrid’s clothing until her fingers were rubbing over bare skin, slow and patient at first. 

Even that was enough to have Ingrid going breathy, her body automatically moving in time with her wife’s practiced ministrations. Mercedes swirled around Ingrid’s clit. Heat flooded Ingrid’s body, but a different sort than when she trained clumsy resistance fighters. The weariness of the day left in a rush, replaced with a frantic energy that built and built within her. 

Ingrid started to writhe on the couch, moving into Mercedes’ hand. Mercedes applied more pressure now, her fingers seeming to drag the exhaustion and fatigue out of Ingrid. She wasn’t moving particularly quickly, but her motions sent fire through Ingrid’s body all the same. Mercedes had a way of touching in just the right place, setting a new fire but never lingering too long. 

Ingrid reached blindly for Mercedes, dragging her back to her mouth. Mercedes kept her hand working, even as Ingrid pushed her tongue into Mercedes’ mouth, licking around. She wasn’t sure if it was Mercedes who moaned first or Ingrid herself, but either way it made Ingrid squirm. Even after all this time together, Mercedes still had the power to make her whimper with nothing but a kiss and her skillful fingers. 

Those fingers got bolder, opening Ingrid up, pressing along the places that Mercedes knew best. Mercedes seemed intent on drawing out Ingrid’s voice, teasing and pushing until Ingrid could hold back the gasps no longer. 

Ingrid didn’t even realize she’d lost track of Mercedes’ mouth until she heard her say, “That’s it.” Her soft voice led Ingrid on, guiding her. 

Ingrid was only too eager to follow. She was clinging to Mercedes now, gripping at her shoulders while rocking up against her hand. 

“Come on, love,” Mercedes said. “I can feel how much you want it.”

Mercedes couldn’t possibly know the half of it. All the tension of the day felt like it was coiling up inside Ingrid, building and building so it could relent at last. 

It was a simple kiss that did it. Mercedes leaned down, kissing Ingrid gently, just another way of guiding her, coaxing her body toward what it needed so desperately. Her fingers did the rest, stroking quickly now, rubbing with a precision that left Ingrid breathless and delirious. 

Ingrid felt like she was trying to arch up off the couch, straining to get both closer and farther from the pleasure of Mercedes’ hand. Once again, she lost Mercedes’ mouth, too busy gasping to maintain the kiss. 

Still, that kiss had pushed Ingrid past the point of no return. It only took a little more concentrated stroking from Mercedes and suddenly Ingrid felt the dam break, felt warmth rush through her whole body. It seemed to flood out, and all her tension and worry with it. 

She lay back, breathing hard, even more limp and exhausted than when she’d slouched in from work. 

Mercedes removed her hand, standing as though she hadn’t just pleasured Ingrid right there on the couch. “I’ll fetch a cup of tea,” she said, starting away. 

Ingrid caught her by the wrist before she could leave, tugging her down for another kiss. 

Mercedes laughed when they broke apart. “Welcome home,” she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/purplebookcover) (18+ please).
> 
> I respond to every comment. Thank you, friends!


	4. Hapi/Constance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Constance needs a little extra push to leave her ties to the church behind. Hapi is more than willing to provide that push.
> 
> Sometimes you gotta destroy a holy book and then eat pussy. I don't make the rules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love theeeeeeeeeeeeem.

“Do it,” Hapi said. 

Constance trembled. She summoned ice into her hand, but couldn’t seem to fling it at the The Book of Seiros sitting on the table before her. The goddess’ own words seemed to rebuke her, to push her away. 

Hapi came up behind Constance, putting her arms around Constance to steady her. “Do it,” Hapi said again.

Still, Constance’s fingers quivered. The trembling spread when Hapi flicked her tongue out, licking behind Constance’s ear. Hapi helped Constance raise her hand, aiming the ice at the holy book. 

“I can’t do it,” Constance said.

“You can,” Hapi said. “You don’t need them anymore.” 

“But it’s...” Constance drew a shaky breath.

Hapi turned Constance around so they stood face to face. “Hey, you said you wanted this, Coco. You wanted to be free of this shit. Right?”

Constance nodded.

Hapi swept up, kissing her swiftly. “Then do it.” 

Hapi’s casual confidence seemed to pass to Constance in that kiss. She let out a breath, a steadier one this time, and turned back toward The Book of Seiros. 

She flung the ice in her hand. Icicles pierced the cover, shredding the tome. 

“Nice,” Hapi said. 

Constance’s heart was stuttering when she turned back to Hapi and yanked her close. The kiss lingered this time. Constance was clinging to the front of Hapi’s shirt, keeping her near for as long as she dared. 

She felt Hapi reach up, getting her hands in Constance’s long hair. Constance hummed in anticipation, her hands feeling down Hapi’s sides to her full hips and over the curve of her ass. 

Hapi smiled against her. “You know I didn’t encourage you to do this for my sake, Coco.” 

“Naturally,” Constance said. “But...”

She didn’t bother explaining further. Striking that book had seemed to also strike all the words from Constance. She didn’t want to talk or explain anymore. She just wanted to _do_.

Constance guided Hapi back until her knees hit the edge of the bed and she sat. Constance knelt on the floor before her. Hapi stroked Constance’s hair, regarding her for a moment. Then she smiled. “Alright,” Hapi said. 

Constance relented no longer. She shimmied Hapi’s pants and undergarments down, leaving her exposed. Constance paused a moment, reverent. Then she ran her hands up Hapi’s thighs, following with her mouth, kissing her way up until she found the source of that heat she felt radiating off Hapi. 

It was sweet and familiar. Constance buried her tongue, using her fingers to open Hapi to her. Hapi laid back. Encouraged, Constance pressed closer, losing herself in the scent and taste of Hapi all around her. 

Constance felt Hapi reach for her hair, stroke a long purple-blonde strand in her hand while Constance worked. Hapi was quiet, she was always quiet. She had little choice due to that sigh of hers and what it could cause. But Constance had learned to read other signs: the way Hapi’s thighs pressed in around Constance, the way the hand in Constance’s hair tightened, the sway of Hapi’s hips trying to complement the ministrations of Constance’s mouth.

Constance pressed her tongue along Hapi, feeling for that place she knew would draw a sound even from Hapi. Sure enough, it did. Hapi bucked, letting out a little cry of pleasure. 

“Coco,” she rasped. “That’s so good.”

Constance licked around Hapi’s clit, tracing a trail that was making Hapi shiver beneath her mouth. She had to hold onto to Hapi’s hips as she rolled her body. Constance could tell the heat within her was building, could feel it against her lips and on her fingers. 

It made Constance feel dizzy. Dimly, she remembered that somewhere nearby a holy book was in tatters, the ink likely running as the icicles speared through it began to melt. 

Hapi, too, was starting to melt, wet against Constance’s probing fingers. Her cries were song-like, rhythmic and lovely in Constance’s ears. 

Even so, her peak was quiet, as it always was. Constance only knew from the sudden stiffness in her body, the way Hapi’s writhing went rigid instead, the gush of warmth against Constance’s hand.

Constance wiped at her mouth, then climbed onto the bed, pulling Hapi against her. 

“You did good today, Coco,” Hapi said, still breathing hard. “How do you feel?”

Constance didn’t bother with words. There was no need. She nuzzled against Hapi’s neck, murmuring contentment as the words of the goddess melted away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/purplebookcover) (18+ please).
> 
> I respond to every comment. Thank you, friends!


	5. Ashe/Felix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running from the cops can be a potent high, as Ashe and Felix find out while hiding in an alleyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to trivialize this topic. I drew on real life experience, obviously skewed by the lens of fan fiction.

Ashe was running. He had little choice but to follow the crowd, caught in a flow of bodies fleeing a danger he couldn’t even see through the mass. There’d been a bang and a pop, a plume of smoke, and then Ashe was moving, _everyone_ was moving. 

The mass shifted. Ashe found himself swept into an alleyway. He kept running, pounding over cracked concrete between dumpsters and palettes. 

Someone grabbed him. He fought, but they had his collar. In an instant, Ashe was pulled into deeper darkness, an alley within the alley almost. It was a tight squeeze, a gasp between two buildings hardly large enough for him and whomever had him.

A hand pressed over his mouth. Ashe started, recognizing the face close to his in the enclosed space. Felix just shook his head. 

Ashe tried to quiet his ragged breaths. Felix jerked his chin back toward the alley and Ashe saw police stream by. Ashe tensed, frozen, but none of them seemed to notice the crack between buildings.

Felix removed his hand and Ashe sighed, but dared not speak. His heart hammered against his chest, the rush of fear shifting into raw adrenaline. He felt jittery and restless, ready to run all over again. Or...

He looked from the bright alleyway to the darkness at his side where Felix hid with him. Ashe hadn’t known Felix would be here and now they were so close their shoulders were pressed together. Ashe could hear Felix’s breaths, his mouth so close it would take little more than a nod to meet it. 

So he did. 

Ashe found Felix in the dark, met his lips, pressed urgently against them. Felix encouraged Ashe’s frenetic urgency until they were both gasping harder than when they’d run. 

Felix’s hand scraped down Ashe’s body, wriggling into his pants. Ashe nearly cried out when Felix grabbed him. Felix gnawed at Ashe’s lip.

“Shhh,” Felix rasped. 

Ashe’s gaze flickered back toward the alley. Still clear, but the thought of what could come barreling down it at any moment sent a jolt of adrenaline through him. 

He reached for Felix, fumbling with his jeans, feeling around until he finally had Felix’s cock in his hand. Felix just managed to stifle a grunt, but Ashe surged toward the sound, covering Felix’s mouth with his own.

They smothered each other’s sounds as they started stroking. Ashe pushed his moans into Felix’s mouth and tasted grunts and groans in return. The noises shivered through him, right down to the cock Felix was pumping with frantic vigor. 

It combined with the fear, the anger, the running, churning into a potent high that had Ashe shaking. He felt the brick of the buildings so close on either side of him as he tried to writhe into the sensations. Felix was already dripping on his hand. Ashe had to bite at Felix’s lip to keep from crying out. Felix growled and grabbed Ashe by the hair, pulling hard. 

“Fuck,” Ashe rasped. 

He lost Felix’s mouth, head tilting back at the tug of Felix’s hand. Felix slumped forward against Ashe, burying his face against Ashe’s shoulder. They writhed and bucked, hitting each other and the walls, grasping and grunting.

Felix came with a clipped cry that he muffled against Ashe’s shoulder. He bit at Ashe as the orgasm rocked him, but still his hand kept going, pumping Ashe to completion. 

Felix bit harder, hand tightening in Ashe’s hair. Ashe jerked, release hitting him all at once. He spilled over Felix’s hand, mouth opening wide to cry out. 

Felix kissed him before he could let out the sound, swallowing the noise down.

They broke apart sticky and gasping, delirious and quivering from overlapping highs. Adrenaline still thrummed in Ashe’s blood. It made him feel giddy. He couldn’t help but laugh. 

He cut off abruptly when he heard chants, faint but growing louder. 

Felix was fixing his clothes, wiping off his hand on a bandanna. He offered the cloth to Ashe. 

“Come on,” Felix said. “Let’s get back out there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/purplebookcover) (18+ please).
> 
> I respond to every comment. Thank you, friends!


	6. Leonie/Hilda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonie and Hilda are in trouble with Byleth. But instead of listening to his lecture, their minds - and hands - go a-wandering under the desk.

“Do you have any idea how reckless that was?” Byleth said. He was pacing back and forth, arms flailing as he rambled.

Hilda and Leonie sat behind Byleth’s desk, tucked in close to the table. 

“You could have died,” Byleth said. “You can’t just go painting on Kingdom property and expect them not to react. What am I supposed to tell Dimitri? He _is_ going to ask. He’s not your classmate anymore, for Sothis’ sake. He’s the gods damned _king_.”

Hilda yawned. How long was this going to go on? Byleth had been ranting for, like, 20 minutes already and it didn’t make the truth any less true. 

“I mean,” Byleth said, “you wrote ‘Eat the Rich’ on the _king’s_ gods damned carriage! What were you _thinking_?”

A laugh burst out of Leonie. She was almost doubled over, face nearly on Byleth’s desk as their commander and former teacher gaped at her. Hilda couldn’t help but join her. Because she was right. It was absolutely hilarious. 

“Stop that.” 

Byleth snapped and Leonie and Hilda abruptly sobered. Still, as Byleth went on raving, Hilda had to bite her cheeks to keep from laughing all over again. Words like “unbecoming” and “alliance” and “decorum” slid by and it was all Hilda could do not to roll her eyes. 

She bit down harder on her cheeks when she felt a hand touch her thigh under the desk. 

Hilda straightened in her chair, not daring to look over at Leonie, whose hand was wandering up Hilda’s thigh now. Leonie’s fingers played at the edge of Hilda’s skirt, plucking at the lace. 

Hilda held very still, forcing herself to follow Byleth as he stormed around the room. But Leonie was making her way under Hilda’s skirt now, her fingers trickling upward. 

When Leonie ran a finger over Hilda’s pussy, Hilda had to bite down on her lip. 

“Is something funny?” Byleth said.

Leonie’s hand went still. Hilda schooled her face to serenity and shook her head.

Byleth glared, but continued.

So did Leonie.

Her finger got bolder, wriggling around until she found bare pussy. Leonie rubbed, clumsy at first because of the awkward position, but soon finding her way. Leonie’s finger felt along Hilda’s clit, tracing lower before coming back up. It was a slow circuit, but a blush of heat bloomed within Hilda at that touch. 

Hilda dared a glance over at Leonie. She looked utterly implacable, watching Byleth as though she was genuinely listening to his rant. All the while, her finger grew bolder, rubbed harder, swirled around Hilda’s clit.

Hilda wanted to squirm, but she forced herself to face forward and remain still. She nodded at something Byleth said and that seemed to appease him. Meanwhile, her undergarments were getting wetter and wetter as her body reacted to Leonie. 

Leonie got a second finger into position, making circles around Hilda’s clit, then rubbing down lower. Hilda had to choke down her own whining. 

“Hilda,” Byleth said, “you look upset. Look, I’m not trying to just yell at you. This is important. You understand how vital it is that we stay friendly with the Kingdom, don’t you?”

Hilda took her opportunity, letting out a whimpering, “Uh huh.” 

Leonie rubbed harder, taking her cue, focusing on Hilda’s swollen clit. Hilda shuffled forward in her chair. The motion let her create more friction, rubbing against her clothes and Leonie’s hand and the chair. She clenched her hands to keep from crying out. 

Byleth sighed. “Don’t cry, alright? I just want you to understand.” 

He went on, but Hilda could not hear him. Leonie was strumming Hilda’s cunt like a lute, plucking the strings until Hilda came apart. 

“Goddess,” Hilda rasped. She folded her arms on the desk, putting her head down on them. The wetness in her undergarments was quickly turning into a flood. She had no idea how she’d leave this horrible meeting with any dignity intact, but just then she didn’t care. 

She felt a pat on her shoulder. “It’s alright, Hilda,” Byleth said. “We’ll figure this out. I can tell how remorseful you are.” 

“Mm hm,” Hilda whined. “Mm hm.” 

Leonie was concentrating her efforts, making it impossible for Hilda not to pant against her arms. And still Byleth was prattling on, his voice swimming outside Hilda somewhere. All she could hear was the scratch of her own breaths and the frantic beat of her heart. 

“It’s--” Hilda cut herself off. 

“It’s what?” Byleth said.

Hilda had to say something. Her body was about to explode. “It’s … it’s...” Her body hitched, warmth spreading through her undergarments. “It’s all over. Oh goddess, it’s all over.”

Leonie’s hand withdrew. Hilda remained against her arms, quivering. 

Byleth patted her shoulder. “We’ll fix it,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/purplebookcover) (18+ please).
> 
> I respond to every comment. Thank you, friends!


	7. Metodey/Gatekeeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's right, mother fuckers. You thought I couldn't do it, but I did.
> 
> Metodey tries to sneak away with a stolen item. He gets caught by the trusty ol' gatekeeper, who doesn't respond quite how Metodey thought he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fear neither god nor fandom.

“Halt!”

Metodey froze, crouched. He heard a jangle of armor and his hand trailed toward his knife, but someone had him by the arm before he could reach his weapon.

Garreg Mach’s stalwart gatekeeper spun Metodey to face him, still gripping his arm. 

“What are you doing here?” the gatekeeper said. (If the man had a name beyond “Gatekeeper,” Metodey had never learned it, a choice he now very much regretted.)

“I was...” 

The gatekeeper gasped. “That statue! You stole it. You--”

Metodey slapped his free hand over the gatekeeper’s mouth. “Quiet now,” he hissed. He dragged the stunned gatekeeper along, pulling him away from the paths and into the dark of an overhang. In the dead of night, the archway of the gate was pitch black. 

Metodey shoved the gatekeeper back against the wall with a clatter of armor. 

“What are you--”

“Aren’t you tired of being good all the time?” Metodey said. 

“Of course not.”

“Oh, but what if you could have more fun doing crime?”

“D-doing what?” 

Metodey smirked, leaning in closer. They were still gripping each other, fighting for dominance, but Metodey felt the power shifting as he pressed closer, bringing his mouth near the gatekeeper’s ear. 

“Let me show you something,” Metodey said. 

He felt the poor guard shiver in his grasp as he licked along his neck. It was difficult finding skin to work with around all that armor, but Metodey sucked along the gatekeeper’s jaw, nipping at his throat. The man’s hand fell away from Metodey’s arm.

Metodey snuck the stolen statue behind his back even as he kissed the gatekeeper against the stone of the monastery. The precious little idol would fetch a good price as soon as Metodey could get back down to Abyss, but for now he just needed to give the gatekeeper something more interesting to think about so he could slip away with his prize.

They heard a footfall in the dark. The gatekeeper gasped. Metodey pressed even closer, using the opportunity to place his leg between the gatekeeper’s. The gatekeeper grabbed Metodey, yanking him close so he could moan into Metodey’s mouth. Goddess, the poor man was pent up. Did he do nothing but stand around guarding this stupid door? This would be even easier than Metodey had thought.

The moment the footsteps faded away, the gatekeeper moved, turning Metodey around and shoving him against the wall so abruptly he hardly realized what was happening. The pilfered statue dug into Metodey when he hit the stone, but he barely had time to care as the gatekeeper shoved his hand down Metodey’s pants. 

Now it was Metodey stifling moans, chewing at his lip as the gatekeeper stroked him. He got hard with embarrassing swiftness, but the gatekeeper didn’t seem to mind. He paused, taking his hand out of Metodey’s pants to get his own unlaced.

The gatekeeper tossed aside his gloves and tore at Metodey’s laces. He wasted no time taking both their cocks in his hand, rubbing them together even as he stroked up and down. 

“Oh, fla-”

The gatekeeper slapped a hand over Metodey’s mouth and shook his head. Metodey huffed against his palm, licking it. The gatekeeper whined, gnawing his lip, but kept muffling Metodey’s mouth as he jerked both their cocks. 

For all the man’s timidity and good manners, he was surprisingly skilled. Metodey was trembling in the gatekeeper’s grasp, arching away from the stone behind him. He snuck a hand around himself, reaching into his own garments to feel for his rim. 

The gatekeeper seemed to notice. He let out a lower groan, a rumble of lust, when Metodey started playing with himself even as the gatekeeper continued. The statue shoved in Metodey’s belt was a bit of a hindrance, but Metodey worked around it even as he worked into himself. He couldn’t get very deep, not with the position he was in, but the extra bit of playing made him leak on the gatekeeper’s hand.

The gatekeeper’s hand left Metodey’s mouth. He grabbed at Metodey’s ass, squeezing through the fabric. Metodey was sure he could feel the stolen statue tucked into Metodey’s belt, but the guard didn’t seem to care just then. 

Metodey tried to press deeper into himself, even as the gatekeeper’s pumping got faster and more frantic. 

“Ff-” 

Metodey heard a rasped curse before the poor man spilled over his own hand. He withdrew for only a moment before he kept stroking Metodey, more concentrated and deliberate now. The gatekeeper dropped to his knees, not even removing his hand until his mouth swept in to replace it. 

The guard’s mouth proved as skillful as his hand. Metodey thrust into it after the gatekeeper’s lips descended around him, fucking into the man’s mouth even as he pushed into his own hole. It wasn’t about the statue anymore. It wasn’t about anything but the trembling release threatening to explode out of him. 

“I--”

Metodey actually attempted to warn the man, but the gatekeeper kept him close, lips tight around Metodey’s cock. It arrived in a rush, spilling out of him and into the gatekeeper’s mouth. The gatekeeper slurped it down, looking up at Metodey as he swallowed his spend. 

The gatekeeper didn’t break that piercing eye contact even as he stood, wiping at the back of his mouth, meeting Metodey’s gaze.

Metodey was panting, his body quivering as he got his hand out of his pants. He still had the statue, somehow, but he honestly didn’t even care if he managed to escape with it anymore. 

“Go,” the gatekeeper said.

“Are you going to report it?”

The gatekeeper shook his head. “Nothing to report.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/purplebookcover) (18+ please).
> 
> I respond to every comment. Thank you, friends!


	8. Byleth & Peach & Schmoptions the cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth and Peach are training to fight the good fight. Schmoptions the cat helps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering who Schmoptions the cat is, it's someone's real actual cat and I love her more than life itself.

“You ready?” Peach said.

Byleth tightened his grip on his sword and nodded.

They rushed at each other, sword meeting parasol in a clatter of metal. Just as quickly, they pushed apart, repelling each other across the fighting grounds. Byleth’s cat growled at his side, her tail puffed up and rigid. 

Byleth smirked. This would be a good bout. 

Peach dashed at him, sweeping forward propelled by invisible forces. She swung her parasol, forcing Byleth to parry with the Sword of the Creator. The weapons trembled as both fighters struggled for dominance. 

That’s when Peach struck, foot lashing out from under her dress. Byleth barely saw it before it hit his ankles and he tripped to the ground. 

The parasol pointed at his face like a sword. Byleth rolled away, jumping back to his feet. Instantly, he had to get his sword up, blocking strikes as he backed away. 

Peach wasn’t letting up for an instant. She always provided a good fight, but this was frantic, almost urgent. He understood why. They weren’t just training for themselves anymore. The next time they stepped onto a battlefield, it would be as allies in a fight too important for them to lose, a fight for justice. 

Byleth tightened his grip. The next time Peach jabbed at him, he smacked her parasol aside, leaping forward. 

She was quick enough to dodge back, but he was on her now, pressing the attack relentlessly. She had no choice but to keep dancing backward as Byleth advanced. Sword and parasol met with clangs and cracks, the strikes ringing through the fighting grounds. 

That’s when Schmoptions the cat pounced. She leapt at Peach, distracting her. Peach was still trying to dislodge the cat ferociously clinging to the front of her dress when Byleth used his sword to knock Peach off her feet.

Peach lay on the ground, Schmoptions growling on her chest, the Sword the Creator mere inches from her face.

“That’s enough, Schmoptions,” Byleth said. “We won.”

The growls turned to purrs. Schmoptions licked Peach’s cheek before hopping off. 

Byleth helped the other fighter to her feet. 

“Well fought,” he said.

“Not too bad yourself,” Peach said. 

“Think we’re ready?” Byleth said.

Peach gazed off beyond the fighting grounds, into the distance where a world in need of righting awaited. “I think we need to go join the fight whether we’re ready or not.”

Byleth smiled. “Then let’s go.” 

Peach nodded and they started off together, Schmoptions trotting at Byleth’s side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/purplebookcover) (18+ please).
> 
> I respond to every comment. Thank you, friends!


End file.
